The biggest issue that married couples face is the inability to effectively communicate with each other. The lack of effective communication is usually seen in troubled relationships. The inability of couples to genuinely express themselves effectively leads to estrangement, emotional breakdown, and even aggressive behaviour.
Reports have stated that damaged communication is one of the top reasons people get divorced. In case you feel hesitant to reveal your true self to your spouse, more often than not, it is a direct result of damaged communication. Not only does damaged communication suck the very lifeblood out of a relationship, it can also ruin a healthy relationship. It is vital to make note of the fact that even if one couple stops communicating with the other, the relationship becomes meaningless.
What Caused Damaged Communication?
The lifeblood of a healthy married relationship is stemmed from harmony and when harmony is lost, the relationship is also ruined. Damaged communication takes shape after months and even years of unhealthy communication between couples. This is actually a defence mechanism that has been designed by couples to save themselves from aggression, blackmail, and even emotional attacks.
Unfortunately, this defence mechanism is spineless and poorly designed, which is why it damages healthy relationships instead of binding them together. Another cause that damages unhealthy relationships and is a manifestation of damaged communication is ‘hurt’. While hurt is normal in any relationship, if it crosses its threshold, it tends to get the better of you. This is when couples adopt unhealthy communication strategies that do more harm than help develop relationships.
Tips On How to Save Your Marriage by Improving Communication
1) Avoid Attack Words – Words that demean other people and are used to chip off the confidence level in humans are known as attack words. Words such as selfish, lazy, obsessed and self-centred are classic examples of attack words. Couples should avoid using these words if they are to develop a healthy relationship. The justification used by couples using these words is to highlight the errors committed by their partner. In reality, such words are used for demeaning and dominating your partner. The real intention of using attack words is to control the situation.
2) Never Use Negative Tagging – Couples often call each other awkward names that have a negative meaning attached. Some of the worst ones include pig-face or witch. These words have a negative impact on the minds of both partners. After a while, your partner shall get used to such negative tags but it would continue to ruin your relationship in a slow and steady manner. It is therefore suggested that you address your partner in a positive manner.
3) Avoid Accusing – It is very easy to blame your partner for an awkward situation. Nonetheless, after a while, this becomes a habit and forces the marriage to head straight into a ‘rocky path’. Some of the common accusing phrases include – “you never reach home on time”, “your kids do not even recognize your face”, “you spend on unnecessary things” etc.
While you may be correct in accusing your partner, you need to choose your words carefully. For example, instead of saying, “you never reach home on time”, it is better to say, “I am absolutely spent working the entire day doing household chores. Now, I have no energy left to sit with you or the kids…good night!” Even a minor modification in your statement would allow you to be heard and understood by your partner.
If you have the ability to control your negative thoughts and ensure that you abstain from speaking blatantly, your relationship with your spouse would always be full of happiness. On the other hand, if you have a tendency to blame your spouse for acts that may or may not be justified of being criticized, you are forcing your married life into troubled waters.
Whenever you are angry with your spouse, you need to stop screaming spontaneously. Instead, you should sit quietly, analyze the entire situation with a calm mind and then speak to your spouse. Even when you are explaining the situation to your spouse, you need to ensure that you choose your words very carefully. The entire explanation needs to be done in a positive manner. Words that hurt the feelings of your partner need to be avoided and you should make an effort to set things right before the situation goes out of hand.